Safe words are pre-chosen words that a D/s couple agrees to say to communicate when they need to slow down or stop in a BDSM scene. Doing this alleviates confusion. You can use safewords inside or outside of the Dungeon. Dominants can use safe words too.
The most common safewords are Red, Yellow, and Green like a stoplight. I use these in my BDSM scenes. You can choose other safewords but make sure they are easy to remember.
Safeword Red: Stop NOW. A physical or psychological emergency could be happening. After the sub says Red, they should immediately communicate what is wrong so their Dominant can help them. For medical emergencies, call 911 or take them to the emergency room.
Examples for Red safeword.
- Medical Emergency.
- Consent Violation.
- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
- Panic Attack.
- Latex or Food Allergy.
- Feeling light-headed.
- Stomach issues.
- Fire has started.
- Power blackout.
Side note: Being CPR and First Aid certified can save lives. Contact the Red Cross to see if they offer classes. Always have a well-stocked first aid kit ready for emergencies.
Safeword Yellow: Slow down. If the Dominant continues, the sub will have to safeword Red and stop everything. Many things can be easily handled without having to end the scene.
Examples for Yellow safeword:
- Tingling, cold sensation from bondage.
- Muscle cramps.
- Difficulty breathing through the hood.
- Hit too hard with a paddle.
- Nipple Clamps are too tight.
- Feeling too hot or cold.
- Knees very sore from kneeling.
- Bathroom break.
Safeword Green: Go! Not everyone uses this safeword, but it’s a way to tell your play partner you like what they are doing.
Safety Signals: If you become distressed while bound, hooded, or gagged, a pre-negotiated hand gesture or the ringing of a bell can signal your Dominant to stop and assist you. Hand signals can be helpful in noisy public dungeons. I have a round cat toy with a bell that fits nicely inside my sub’s hand. He can shake his hand wildly and get my attention.
Important! Anyone who disregards your safe words or signals is violating your consent. Your boundaries should be honored at all times. Call RED or stop everything and explain to them what they did wrong. Miscommunication happens, but don’t tolerate it. If it’s minor, you can give them a warning. If they do it again, stop interacting with them.
If you have been assaulted, go to a safe place and call 911. If the consent violation incident happened at a play party, immediately tell the Dungeon Monitor (DM) and event host about what happened. Contact your local BDSM group to make them aware of the incident. Don’t hesitate. Depending on the severity of the consent violation, they may need to ban this individual from attending future events. One of the upsides of being active in the BDSM community is that we try to warn each other of dangerous people. Luckily this does not happen often, but it had to be addressed in this article.
I hope that you enjoyed my writing. Using safewords and signals will keep your play safe, sane, consensual, and sexy!
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Mistress Eva Lordes
BDSM educator for couples and individuals.
Dominatrix and Virtual Goddess
https://www.mistressevalordes.com
Empower yourself with knowledge and wisdom.
Mistress Eva Lordes 
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